Hello,
Welcome to my first blog. I’ve wait so long to post a blog. What got in my way? My perfectionism…..yes! For the longest time since I was in high school, I never thought of myself as a writer. Fast forward decades later and now, I found out that I fell into the trap of perfectionism.
What is it? I describe it as an addiction to not ever being good enough. For example, our society rewards people who are detail oriented and results oriented. The better the results the better. This is prime breeding ground for perfectionism behavior. Having a typical traditional Asian upbringing, I was taught that an A- was never good enough. I felt like the Grand Oz voice speaking when my parents said, “Aiyah, What happened to the A?” My carefree days about not caring about my performance and focusing on learning the material was over. I was shaped into caring about how to perform for the “A”. The layers of perfectionism run deep. I am so happy that I no longer am a slave of perfectionism. It took a long journey to see that perfectionism is one form of abuse that I do to myself. The beauty of life is really about accepting all of your imperfections.
Being a high achiever for me and others meant you were in bed with perfectionism. The main criteria that a perfectionist has is that the job seems to never be done. It’s agonizing to keep working at your job and wondering if it could be better. This sometimes can get you into a lot of trouble with your boss when he or she says, “Enough already. Turn in your work!”. You do it with a disgruntle.
Another problem with perfectionism is that you drive others away. People seeing you as being picky about certain things and it becomes annoying. I didn’t realize I could do this, but I admit I did it. For example, the salad is not done yet. We need one more ingredient. In the meantime, you see your friends looking at the clock and it’s 8:30 pm. Yikes, still there is no grub!
A common symptom that shows up for perfectionism is the fear of making a mistake. People go into work meetings and are scared that their boss will catch their mistakes when they speak in front of others. Making a mistake feels in their body like a life threatening situation.
Lastly, I want to encourage people to seek help with their perfectionism because it can really get in your way of happiness. Some people procrastinate from doing something for fear that they won’t do it perfectly. A person won’t start writing their dream novel because they can’t think of their perfect first page to start it. The dream novel sits there with a blank page for the next few years until one day, you learn to surrender to imperfect self. It’s a lot of fun to be imperfect. The discovery of accepting yourself is the root of breaking your tendency to be perfect.
One thing I hope I shared with you in this blog is that it’s often overlooked problem area in one’s life. If anything in this piece described you, please go seek help for it. The agony of striving for perfectionism is not the way to live.