For some singles without a partner, “V-Day” can almost sound like an atom bomb dropping on you. These folks may start contemplating what is wrong with them because they don’t have a partner. Or they may still be pining for their ex-lover, wondering why it didn’t work, torturing themselves with the thought that they did something wrong in the relationship.
I wish I was powerful enough to declare an opt-out day for singles on Valentine’s Day and banish all romantic couples to an island to celebrate their love.
If you are the type that doesn’t mind being single on Valentine’s Day, then you may have a friend that may benefit from what I will share.
When it comes to explaining why some singles have a hard time on Valentine’s Day, it is helpful to look at attachment styles. A lot has been written about this subject, and you can google it to find out the different types.
The type that I will focus here is on insecure attachment. People who have this style tend to develop anxiety and depression when their partner doesn’t communicate with them at a time period that will alleviate their tension from waiting. During the dating process, these types of people have difficulty waiting for their dates to give them an update on whether they will see each other again. Often these people are staring at the clock and feel very unsettled that with every sound of the second hand ticking, their minds race wondering why the other person has not replied to them.
When people with insecure attachment think of Valentine’s Day, they may think of rejection or all the times their relationships have failed. It will be a hard day for them to celebrate a day of love. The difficulty lies in their search for love outside of themselves. Rather than going inward to find an eternal source of love, they continue to search for validation by others that they are worthy of receiving love. This lack of inward connection to one’s heart and not being able to soothe one’s hurt by the lack of disconnection from their chosen love interest are the trademark of having an insecure attachment style.
To begin your first step towards connecting to your own love, you can begin on Valentine’s Day. It is during Valentine’s Day that you have to really give the most kind and loving attention to yourself. It may feel weird because society expects that in order to be happy, you need to be part of a couple, especially on Valentine’s Day. During this day, your strength will be tested as to whether you can just be okay with who you are right now and in this moment of time.
So, give yourself permission to do whatever you want on Valentine’s Day with total acceptance of yourself. Come home to that familiar face of yours and look in the mirror to remind yourself that you are your own Valentine. This is just good enough.
If any of what I described sounds foreign or challenging for you, you may seek outside help to get support on how to find self-acceptance to bounce back from the rejection of self.
On this V-Day, may you give yourself the emotional respect that you deserve by honoring yourself with loving kindness.